‘In my defense’
I’m being so bad and it’s only 8 days in. It’s hardly been a week. I want to say, “in my defense”, but how difficult is it to make healthy choices? So (whispers) “in my defense”, Mom had some friends over for lunch and wanted me to help. It was such a crappy afternoon, I felt like Bridget Jones. I swear, I really have no idea what they were talking about. The conversation swirled over me in a kind of haze. (You know, how in Sherlock, the texts appear, one after another, kind of swirling about? That’s how it felt) I ran around serving them and smiling and trying not to get bothered by the fact that one of Mom’s friends thought I was Mom’s sister and when she found out I wasn’t, added insult to injury by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. I did wonder. Her sister is much fairer, isn’t she? She’s not as dark as you?” and I had to laugh a “how extremely funny and droll” guffaw. And then, I ate my feelings!!
The evening did not fare better. A friend had called me over because her school friends had come down from all over the world and they were meeting up at her place and she wanted me to meet them. (What’s with meeting other people’s best friends who I don’t know from Adam?) They were a nice bunch but I spent the evening listening to their school stories and laughing at things I didn’t understand and wasn’t a part of, and downing beers to keep the smile going and then, I ate my feelings!! (“in my defense”)
That’s all I’m giving you. I feel absolutely ashamed but sometimes life happens, you know (god, I can actually hear the whine in my thoughts, and the beer) And bouncing back always takes a couple of days. And I have a birthday to attend tomorrow. People really shouldn’t have get-togethers on a Monday. I mean, the whole week could collapse, if Monday does.
Up top is exactly how I feel today. Ugly and fat and not fair, and did I mention, ugly and fat?! If nothing else, I will be truthful. It’s the least I can do while I keep calm and carry on…