Posted in challenge, diary, goals, lifestyle, resolutions, weightloss

Day 15 – Feb ’17

I know what you’re thinking, yeah, she started off all kicked as usual and it went down the pooper, so, what’s new. Well, this is. That I came back and even if I miss a day or days here and there, I will keep coming back. That in itself is a huge achievement. Glory be!

But that’s not what we’re here for (though it is a big deal to me, okay?)  82.9!. I can’t help it. My knee locked up again, last week and I was in terrible pain and had to go for an MRI and tests (it’s a meniscus tear) and stuff and the upshot is I’ve been in bed, depressed and angry and stuffing my face (the only person enjoying this whole thing has been dog -there he is, up top- he has me by his side 24/7)  I’ve been asked not to walk, which is a big blow to me, since I think best when I walk and work out my stories and it’s just not fair. I’m seeing the doc tomorrow – follow up.

So, apart from feeling sorry for myself, I really haven’t achieved much. I spent this morning watching the Oscars. We get it at some unearthly hour and when I awoke, Nayan was already watching and so I just got hooked. I always like the Oscars. Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel were a riot and so was the best film fail. What was that? How does the Oscars do that? Isn’t there stuff in place to prevent the envelopes getting mixed up? Didn’t Nicole Kidman look gorgeous? Jennifer Anniston looked sweet and I love seeing her with Justin Theroux. I feel like telling Brad Pitt, ‘in your face’, though I don’t think she really cares.

And I totally didn’t get why they didn’t add a clip of Bill Paxton at the end of the Memoriam. I felt really bad when I heard about him. I really liked him. I’m not a big fan of Emma Stone. I was, I swear, I loved her in The Help and in Easy A, but she seems to have gone all Anne Hathaway and is like super serious and speechy. So… though I guess it’s okay that she got it, I had to mute her speech.

I’m trying to get back, at least, to doing Pilates, hopefully, tomorrow. There’s no real strain on my leg, so… and let’s see what the doc says. Toodles!

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Day 10 – 22nd Feb ’17

‘I have to lose weight…’

I know, I know, I missed a day, but I’m back and that’s what’s important. Truth is, I didn’t feel like writing, because I was in too much pain. My knee locked up again. I was standing on the balcony with Tristan and admiring my plants. He ran into Aishwarya’s(that’s my older daughter who doesn’t live with us anymore. She’s all fancy and lives and works in Bangalore) room and jumped on her bed. Her bed is rather high and I shouldn’t have done it, but it was one of those crazy moments which you regret. I jumped up after him and wrenched my knee. The pain, as you can imagine, was excruciating and I was very sad because the rest of the day and the next went for a six. (up top – dog petting- what you shouldn’t do!)

I tried to eat less, but when you’re in pain, you tend to eat your feelings. There’s still some pain but I’m able to put weight on the leg today. Now you see the urgency and importance of losing weight. I hobbled over and checked my weight and I’m 82.7. Well, we just have to grit our teeth and start over, don’t we?

The pain killers screw with my head and I can’t focus enough to write, so binge watched Helix. You can imagine my desperation if I’m binge watching Helix. It’s okay, something to watch. But the big disappointment this week has been Big Little Lies. I don’t know what I was expecting and I’ve read the book, maybe that’s why I’m so critical. But the first episode did not pull me in. I feel it’s the direction, it felt fragmented. Hopefully, it’s teething troubles and will get more intense as it progresses. I think basically, I’m not able to slot it as yet. I love all the actresses, Nicole Kidman is flawless, Reese wWitherspoon is the perfect Madeline and I love Shailene Woodley and Zoe Kravitz.

Maybe I should make weekly goals, like a kg a week. I’m sure that’s doable. I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight…

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Day 8 – 2oth Feb’17

‘In my defense’

I’m being so bad and it’s only 8 days in. It’s hardly been a week. I want to say, “in my defense”, but how difficult is it to make healthy choices? So (whispers) “in my defense”, Mom had some friends over for lunch and wanted me to help. It was such a crappy afternoon, I felt like Bridget Jones. I swear, I really have no idea what they were talking about. The conversation swirled over me in a kind of haze. (You know, how in Sherlock, the texts appear, one after another, kind of swirling about? That’s how it felt) I ran around serving them and smiling and trying not to get bothered by the fact that one of Mom’s friends thought I was Mom’s sister and when she found out I wasn’t, added insult to injury by saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. I did wonder. Her sister is much fairer, isn’t she? She’s not as dark as you?” and I had to laugh a “how extremely funny and droll” guffaw. And then, I ate my feelings!!

The evening did not fare better. A friend had called me over because her school friends had come down from all over the world and they were meeting up at her place and she wanted me to meet them. (What’s with meeting other people’s best friends who I don’t know from Adam?) They were a nice bunch but I spent the evening listening to their school stories and laughing at things I didn’t understand and wasn’t a part of, and downing beers to keep the smile going and then, I ate my feelings!! (“in my defense”)

That’s all I’m giving you. I feel absolutely ashamed but sometimes life happens, you know (god, I can actually hear the whine in my thoughts, and the beer) And bouncing back always takes a couple of days. And I have a birthday to attend tomorrow. People really shouldn’t have get-togethers on a Monday. I mean, the whole week could collapse, if Monday does.

Up top is exactly how I feel today. Ugly and fat and not fair, and did I mention, ugly and fat?! If nothing else, I will be truthful. It’s the least I can do while I keep calm and carry on…

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Day 7 – 19th Feb’17

This should be called ‘Chasing the meat’. Nayan got it into her head that she wants to buy beef and try some recipe that she’d seen. She says we can have it on our ‘cheat day’. And there’s something you should know about Nayan. When she gets a bee in her bonnet, it doesn’t matter what anyone else feels about it, it has to be done.

As usual, we were late setting out, because my girls have no sense of time. We never reach anywhere on time. I used to get hassled about it but it felt that as they became adults all I did was get angry. It took a while to just accept that we were always going to be late and people would say mean things and to learn to ignore them. I mean, I did try getting them to get ready soon, but it meant that we always left with all three of us in a bad mood. I took the easy way out and now I just get ready and wait, quietly (#livingwithadultchildren)

Coming back to our day out, we left in time for lunch and so, instead of chasing the meat, we chased lunch, and spent the next hour looking for a place to eat. We ended up at this cute place called Kipling Cafe, which was a walk from the beach but it was bloody expensive. Thank God, we were on a diet. If you’re really rich or want to impress someone, take them there, otherwise you’re just paying for the ambiance. The food was good, nothing to write home about. That’s us, up top, before we realized how expensive everything was.

We drove around looking for a pot shop for my ‘Farming’. I like calling it farming as opposed to gardening. It has a rustic, earthy feel to it. I should probably explain ‘pot shop’ as not a shop that sells weed, but one that actually sells pots and plants (though there is this idea floating around about growing weed, just for the fun of it, I don’t really smoke up, don’t like it) I was actually looking for a large rectangular pot to grow herbs in, now that my celery has taken off. And, living in an apartment, you know what the most irritating part is, you have to buy mud. I envy people who just walk into their garden and dig up mud!

And, yes, we did find the beef. It’s marinading, I’ll tell you what came of it, when and if it gets cooked. I was able to indulge myself and my camera (a Canon DSLR) a little bit at the beach after lunch, but it wasn’t a particularly impressive day and so they aren’t particularly impressive pictures. The trick is to be around during sunrise or sunset to catch the vivid colours. Oh well, another day…

P.S: Didn’t exercise (can I write this smaller, or maybe people just won’t read till here), but it’s a Sunday, and we went out and we were good with our diet…and so…

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Day 6 – 18th Feb ’17

Damn, I’m such a loser!!! I had two places to hang out at last evening and I didn’t go to either. I gave excuses for both, made a cocktail and watched Captain America – Winter Soldier for like the eighth time. It’s not like I love the movie, in fact, of the entire series in the franchise, I found the first few Captain Americas, the most boring. But you know how it is, when you get stuck, and even though the remote is just a stretch away and you don’t make the effort…yeah!

Nayan’s PMSing big time and apparently she’s a loser too (we’re just two losers living together) So, she ranted and raved about how her life isn’t going anywhere and I made appropriately soothing noises, but I did one better in the evening and whipped up a Sidecar (didn’t have cognac, so made do with brandy) and it did make her feel miles better, and deeply indebted to me.

She made the most amazing chicken, sweet potato and onion for dinner, all roasted and juicy (note to self-I must start taking pictures) But for my part, I exercised and I walked. Oh, and I cooked lunch too. A light fried rice with brown rice, steamed veggies tossed with garlic, pepper and salt, chicken stirred with ginger, coriander and capsicums, and spinach and cottage cheese, tossed. Hm, it did taste as good as it sounds. Two spoons of oil for the entire thing.

Writing was a fail though. I hate leaving large gaps between bouts of writing, especially in more complex parts of the book, because it takes a couple of days to get into the groove again and those parts always sound a bit forced. And this book is defeating me. I need to take a few days out from the outside world and crunch down for a week and finish the book. But there’s just too many chores that have piled up when I was sick last month and need attending to, that I’m unable to take time out and it’s frustrating me. And how does one work when a needy dog lies on the laptop, preventing you from doing any work???

Posted in author, challenge, diary, goals, lifestyle, resolutions, weightloss

Day 4 – 16th Feb ’17

Last night was the worst. I’m not sure what upset my stomach, but I was up for more than half the night (okay, I’ll stop, TMI) The only good thing is I’ve lost a kg (which really doesn’t mean a lot, ‘cos in my experience, this kind of loss bounces back in a couple of days)

Yesterday was a good day, though. I met a new podcaster. She was an inspiration. She has a congenital disease and has been living with it all her life. She is nearly forty but doesn’t look it and she has to carry her oxygen with her. She recorded her first podcast yesterday on going through life with an illness. Her positive attitude and sense of humour quite took my breath away and puts my meagre life into perspective.

Yes, I podcast too. I think I mentioned that I’m an author. I’ve been podcasting my short stories and I just started a travel podcast. I’m still not very happy with the quality of the podcasts so I’m not sharing it as yet. They’re a start up and are kind of learning as they go and that isn’t saying a lot. If and when it gets better, I’ll share the link, in case there’s someone out there who is listening.

Haven’t touched my book in two days, so that’s a fail. But it’s been a particularly difficult chapter. See, the thing is, when you’re writing, you sometimes get to a part where it’s a bit, a bit…blurry, yup, that’s the word. You can either sit there figuring it out or move on and put a pin in the blurry bit and come back to it later. So, now we’re at “later” and it’s still blurry. It’ll work itself out, it always does, but it needs a clear head and a couple of days of complete focus, which I haven’t had over the last few days. So, I’m just pushing through again. Will have a go at it during the next draft.

That cover on top was my first book. I published it in 2011. It’s available on amazon at  Fun times!

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Day 3 – 15th Feb ’17

Moment of truth, yes, I got on the scales this morning (82.1, that’s kgs not pounds and stop with the gasp, I told you I’m overweight, remember it is the 2017 challenge, pretty pointless if I’m starting this whole thing at optimum weight)

Well, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I can dial back to yesterday. Though, maybe I shouldn’t have told you how much I weigh, today, because yesterday I went out with my friends for lunch and I wasn’t good. I did exercise and I had been good till then. But it’s so harrd when you go out to a fancy burger place and everything is mouth watering. But, in retrospect, I feel so guilty since there were healthy choices, like salads and sandwiches, hell there was even a less fatty burger. But no, I opened the menu, picked the unhealthiest burger with the most amount of calories I could find and I swear I did it before my mind could object and I distracted myself with conversation till the burger arrived and I was halfway through it… and then remorse hit, in shameful waves. I had killed myself exercising in the morning (I lie, I broke a sweat, that’s about it) but I’d been so good. So I asked them to pack the rest of the burger and brought it home for Tris.

Now, as I write this, I feel those waves of regret again, so yes, this diary is a hopefully a good thing, since I’m being completely honest here and if I know I have to confess my cheats, I will hesitate to transgress.

I drove for the first time after my cartilage tear, yesterday, and it was a long drive. I wore my knee guard and was careful with the clutch (yes, I drive a shift) but had no problem so feeling quite kicked about that. But I didn’t walk yesterday since I didn’t want to push it after the drive.

So, about that picture on top, it could be the before shot, if you insist, but I posted it ‘cos there’s a funny story behind it. I was being a total mom with snapchat and though my daughters were constantly sending stuff on it, I refused to figure it out. This was my first try. I had installed it and when I opened it, it said, “press your nose on the screen for a couple of seconds.” I tried it several times and nothing happened. Nayan caught me standing with my nose pressed to the screen and she was like, “What are you doing?” and I explained. And she fell down laughing. “Mom, you’re supposed to press your finger to your face on the phone, not your nose to the screen.” Ah, that’s why it wasn’t working. Well, you live and learn.